Wednesday, October 7, 2009
phoenix
there are so many strange stuffs going on.. till yesterday i was completely confused as to how i would go about getting what i wanted out of life. lately i have been plagued by insomnia .. i worry that i will not be able to achieve what i want. but today morning as i woke up it was like everything is crystal clear... i see the path ahead..a stormy and turbulent one.. but i know what i have to do..
Sunday, September 6, 2009
courage in the face of unknown
i have always admired people who are not afraid to face the consequences of their decisions.. who unblinkingly face the arrows that life throws at them.
I am not a coward but there has been many instances in my life where my eyes start searching for the nearest exit route..
I wish i was strong emotionally to face all the obstacles in my life!.. but i know that this is something i lack..it has taken a lot of retrospection and soul searching for me to accept this weakness of mine..
the only thing i can console myself with is every morning when i get up i tell myself that i am a little less weaker than yesterday..
I am not a coward but there has been many instances in my life where my eyes start searching for the nearest exit route..
I wish i was strong emotionally to face all the obstacles in my life!.. but i know that this is something i lack..it has taken a lot of retrospection and soul searching for me to accept this weakness of mine..
the only thing i can console myself with is every morning when i get up i tell myself that i am a little less weaker than yesterday..
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Ode to a dying memory
When the Golden sun is setting
And your mind is over the sea;
While you think of others
Wont you think of me
And your mind is over the sea;
While you think of others
Wont you think of me
LIFE is a box of CHOCOLATE
I am worried..not that this is unusual for me.. I worry abt the most insignificant and crazy things..
For eg; I worry abt wat would happen if it rains... again i ponder wat catastrophe would befall me if it does not..
But this time its different..i have numero uno thougths going through my brain and all of them makes me decidedly uneasy..definately worried..
I finally decided wat to do. Ill list them out.. I have always been a list person.. from as far i could remember I am in the habit of making lists.. TO DO lists.. NOT TO DO lists.. To Remember lists..and the list goes on and on :-)
Here we go...
The following are the thoughts(in descending order of their frequency of occurence) which are going round and round like a merry go round through my poor brain
1) I hate losing ppl who are important to me..one of them is leaving me.
2) I want to do an mba abroad.
3) Currently I cannot afford one financially.
4) I have no idea how to build up my common profile to an uncommon one.
5) My supervisor at work has changed.. He has no idea wat work I do... I am worried as to how to let him know of my achievements and appreciation in the current project.. I dont have any visibility with him .
6) I badly want an onsite assignment..I failed to impress clients so i no longer have any hopes for onsite.
7) Due to the above reason there shatters my mba dream into a trillion pieces .
8) I want a promotion as its been 3 yrs and not even one rung of the hierarchial ladder has been conquered.
9) My work is moving to production.. I am scared by the no of defects and change requests which will bombard me.. I don know how to solve them.
10) I feel so lonely and inefficient that I don know which way to turn..wat to do next.
11) I am a member of a group in my office which primarily works for the underprivileged in our society..the group is "Outreach"..
I have an idea which is to collect all the unused and forgotten papers stacked near the printers in our offices.Honestly ppl give stuff for printing and never bother to collect them.
Anyways my idea is to collect those papers and turn them into notebooks for the poor students at the school where I teach..one side of the paper is inevitably blank (as ppl don print both sides).
I have to approach the group leader for a consolidated action to further this idea..i don know why but i feel very apprehensive..not that i am a meek and a nervous person..quite the contrary.. i don know.. somehow i am not feeling myself these days :-(
12) my essays for bschool are still incomplete..madre di dios!!!
God save me from annhilation..
For eg; I worry abt wat would happen if it rains... again i ponder wat catastrophe would befall me if it does not..
But this time its different..i have numero uno thougths going through my brain and all of them makes me decidedly uneasy..definately worried..
I finally decided wat to do. Ill list them out.. I have always been a list person.. from as far i could remember I am in the habit of making lists.. TO DO lists.. NOT TO DO lists.. To Remember lists..and the list goes on and on :-)
Here we go...
The following are the thoughts(in descending order of their frequency of occurence) which are going round and round like a merry go round through my poor brain
1) I hate losing ppl who are important to me..one of them is leaving me.
2) I want to do an mba abroad.
3) Currently I cannot afford one financially.
4) I have no idea how to build up my common profile to an uncommon one.
5) My supervisor at work has changed.. He has no idea wat work I do... I am worried as to how to let him know of my achievements and appreciation in the current project.. I dont have any visibility with him .
6) I badly want an onsite assignment..I failed to impress clients so i no longer have any hopes for onsite.
7) Due to the above reason there shatters my mba dream into a trillion pieces .
8) I want a promotion as its been 3 yrs and not even one rung of the hierarchial ladder has been conquered.
9) My work is moving to production.. I am scared by the no of defects and change requests which will bombard me.. I don know how to solve them.
10) I feel so lonely and inefficient that I don know which way to turn..wat to do next.
11) I am a member of a group in my office which primarily works for the underprivileged in our society..the group is "Outreach"..
I have an idea which is to collect all the unused and forgotten papers stacked near the printers in our offices.Honestly ppl give stuff for printing and never bother to collect them.
Anyways my idea is to collect those papers and turn them into notebooks for the poor students at the school where I teach..one side of the paper is inevitably blank (as ppl don print both sides).
I have to approach the group leader for a consolidated action to further this idea..i don know why but i feel very apprehensive..not that i am a meek and a nervous person..quite the contrary.. i don know.. somehow i am not feeling myself these days :-(
12) my essays for bschool are still incomplete..madre di dios!!!
God save me from annhilation..
wanderings of a disillusioned mind
damn damn ...and double damn... so i finally start writing a blog... till last month i remember asking ppl who were mad on blogging...why the hell do u blog..wat is so exclusive and special abt blogging...i mean why waste ur energy on typing crap which eventually some equally jobless ppl come and read and leave their comments..
but of late i have found that blogging is good...if u want to be heard(not a guarantee)then start pounding the keyboard..trust me it is therapeutic...the intense desire to punch someone when u r angry and frustrated can be channelised into a more harmless direction...
always when i am angry or plain irritated, i come and pound away on any topic under the sun..its not difficult cos i can talk nonstop abt anything under the sun.. most of the time it is nonsense :)
anyways before i lose track... wat i want to talk today is abt the pleasures of being enigmatic...
i have often being accused by some ppl to be extremely enigmatic.. others not so polite have classified me as downright rude.. not that i care, but i was wondering wat are the qualities that makes a person elusively enigmatic.Is the concerned person such a fierce protector of his/her privacy that conversations are genrally cryptic and monosyllabic.From a long experience of dealing with this eclectic bunch of enigmatic species; i believe that i have imbibed some of their qualities.So here i proceed to analyse what it takes to be a member of this elite group:)
firstly, i firmly believe that ignorance of a particular subject leads us towards a mental awe and gradually this leads to putting up that particular subject/issue on a pedestal. The moment we fail to understand a person;fail to comprehend wat actually makes him/her tick; our ever curious mind is not able to categorise the person into a type. We do not understand that we cannot classify every living being on this planet earth as "types".
But coming back to wat makes u enigmatic; i believe a certain degree of coolness and indifference towards the homo sapiens bunch of species is required...
but of late i have found that blogging is good...if u want to be heard(not a guarantee)then start pounding the keyboard..trust me it is therapeutic...the intense desire to punch someone when u r angry and frustrated can be channelised into a more harmless direction...
always when i am angry or plain irritated, i come and pound away on any topic under the sun..its not difficult cos i can talk nonstop abt anything under the sun.. most of the time it is nonsense :)
anyways before i lose track... wat i want to talk today is abt the pleasures of being enigmatic...
i have often being accused by some ppl to be extremely enigmatic.. others not so polite have classified me as downright rude.. not that i care, but i was wondering wat are the qualities that makes a person elusively enigmatic.Is the concerned person such a fierce protector of his/her privacy that conversations are genrally cryptic and monosyllabic.From a long experience of dealing with this eclectic bunch of enigmatic species; i believe that i have imbibed some of their qualities.So here i proceed to analyse what it takes to be a member of this elite group:)
firstly, i firmly believe that ignorance of a particular subject leads us towards a mental awe and gradually this leads to putting up that particular subject/issue on a pedestal. The moment we fail to understand a person;fail to comprehend wat actually makes him/her tick; our ever curious mind is not able to categorise the person into a type. We do not understand that we cannot classify every living being on this planet earth as "types".
But coming back to wat makes u enigmatic; i believe a certain degree of coolness and indifference towards the homo sapiens bunch of species is required...
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